


Star To Fall

by starkind



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Attempt at Humor, Crossover Pairings, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Iron Bat - Freeform, M/M, Mild Language, Nicknames, One Shot, Pointless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 17:05:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13594533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkind/pseuds/starkind
Summary: They are both equally bad at this.





	Star To Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LimeOfMagicLimo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LimeOfMagicLimo/gifts).



> This is what happens when I drink too much coffee and reply to one of my favorite people - I ramble and spout utter nonsense, but at least my ramblings gave me something to FINALLY gift you with, @ LimeofMagicLimo. I said it wouldn't lead anywhere, and I guess that still applies. Sorry for the stupidity, but I hope it makes you chuckle at least a bit :)

Sometimes, Tony wondered how he had gotten into all of this. He and Bruce Wayne, dating and being serious about it and each other. It was nice, really, unexpected but nice. People, however, had nothing better to do than to speculate about the Sugar Daddy Nature of their relationship. The answer to that was pretty simple and straightforward: There was none. Zip, Zilch, Nada. Anti-climatic, in a way. Here was the reason for it, though:

They both were so filthy rich, they would get diabetes just by attempting to out-sugar each other. Case in point: The latest overbearing gift exchange that came with said filthy-rich and infatuated status. Tony had made the mistake of pulling a Pepper-Christmas-Surprise on Bruce, which, of course, backfired spectacularly. Again. He should have known, but hey, he was a man in love - and there had been a discount.

Even if he was a billionaire, 'Buy 50, Get 25 Free!' was an offer just too good to ignore.

Wayne called him on the same day of the delivery, inquiring in that usual, composed, steely tone of his what the deal was with all of those oversized, obnoxious bunnies lining up all the driveway of Wayne Manor. It took Tony quite a while to explain they were not, in fact, titty bunnies (Bruce's words, shockingly enough) but cute and harmless fluffy bunnies with tiny little (or not so tiny little) paws.

Okay, Tony knew he himself was pretty saucy most of the time, but really now - Bruce was just a perverted Grinch with a rodent fetish.

Despite his deepest resentment, Bruce would not stoop so low to come back at Tony by showering the whole Stark Industries facility with long-stemmed Black Baccara Roses. No, the first thing he did was going and donating the huge bunny squad to Gotham's daycare centers and kindergartens; scoring him high on that philanthropic do-gooder action of the week (at least according to someone at the Daily Planet)

As it turned out, Wayne's gift of ~~revenge~~ love was (how else could it be) of the stealthy kind. It included buying all sorts of radio stations all over the globe and have them play the same song each day, over and over. It was a bit like in 'Groundhog Day', only with 'Waiting For A Star To Fall' instead. In all fairness, it was the song that had played when the two of them had met for the first time, at some sort of socializing function in New York.

It had been back in the days when Bruce Wayne was still smoking cigarettes and sporting a well-coiffed mullet, while Tony Stark was goatee-less, had more than a fair share of eclectic fashion sense, and was, for once, not locked up at a VIP rehab retreat like most of the time during the late nineties. It also was the song they, cheesily, had their first time to, much, much later, their mutual alter egos already in place.

And, in all honesty - if Tony had his ways (like he usually had) it also would have been THE song to dance to at their future wedding. The wedding Bruce still did not know anything of. Yet. Aim high and all that jazz. Only now, Tony wished back those Stark Industries sonic taser earbuds to bleed out the infuriating melody from his ear canal once and for all. Screw Bruce for ruining the cheesiest way to do the horizontal tango to.

But that was just the tip of the iceberg (there was a pun included somewhere in that sentence, Tony thought, with affectionate regards to his boyfriend's usual emotional range. Maybe it even was a lewd pun), because Bruce Wayne also went and bought a shitload of stars and gave them all those kind of nicknames NOBODY would EVER dare to associate either billionaire with. Except for the very two billionaires themselves.

Okay, truth to be told, most of them sprouted from Tony's warped sense of post-coital bliss, or his daily, sheer delight at riling Bruce up in private, on the phone, or via text. Bruce Wayne, the fucker, also had the decency to remain completely secretive and tight-lipped about his ~~wrongdoings~~ gift until hundreds of certificates and registration forms from 'Name A Star' suddenly started to pile up at Stark Mansion.

Needless to say, Tony threw a fit when actual stellar constellations were now labeled 'Grumpkin', 'Sweetcheeks', 'Schmoopie', 'Ho-Monkey', 'Bed Bug', 'Snoogy', 'Honey Flanks', 'Paycheck', 'Smoochiesaurus Rex', 'Boo Boo Batsy Fuck', 'Sugarplum', 'Gimp-a-licious', 'Studmuffin McSnoogles', 'Mookiepoo', 'Dreamboat Ride', 'Sweet Meat Blanket', 'Sexy Little Shit', 'Fruit Loop', 'Lickles', 'Smoochy Kins', 'Funky Pie' - to name only a few.

The final list went on for several pages, because Bruce Wayne, the fucker, was very thorough and apparently even had an elephant memory way worse than his lover. Tony knew he really needed to cool it with the godawful endearments in the future. For now, however, the very Iron Man made sure to visit all of those endearing little stellar fuckers on his next anti-gravity thruster test session inside Mark XLV.

  
**THE schmoopy END**

**Author's Note:**

> Giant bunny (just in case someone forgot what it looks like):  
> https://i.pinimg.com/736x/f8/fd/c4/f8fdc4c2b6bb8d842ccd7625f99ba26c---movie-iron-man-.jpg
> 
> Courtesy of fic title goes to the song mentioned, which is by Boy Meets Girl (1988):  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-CECN87cS0
> 
> Young Bruce  
> http://aroundmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Christian-Bale_Metroland_1997.jpg
> 
> Young Tony  
> https://i.pinimg.com/564x/ec/b6/d8/ecb6d86ec85d9910a595e8989764abe5--robert-downey-jr-young-ironman.jpg


End file.
